We Are Here

Great ball players get into slumps all of the time. Many of them spend every at bat trying to dig in and swing for the fences when all they need is a single to get out of that slump and get their confidence back.

Bald & Bearded has gone silent for several months now and I have barely put pen to paper. Not because I didn’t want to, but because I was so consumed with going yard that I forgot that all it take is a little poke to get on base. So here it is, my little shot that sneaks past the shortstop and gets me on base for the first time after a long dry spell.

My whole life, I have struggled to find the simple solution of taking small steps to accomplish a goal. In my academic life, I would procrastinate until the dozen small projects I needed to accomplish were compacted into an insurmountable task that I could not finish. In my athletic life, the one thing that held me back from being a great swimmer was my own head. I would psych myself up and then psych myself out and never could reach that next level. These facts are still true about me in my professional life and my personal life.

I sat at my keyboard earlier today to write as I had done several times in the radio silence of the last few months. I began to write about all of the reasons I haven’t written and all of the things I have wanted to say. I tried to process months worth of thoughts and emotion and capture them into one blog post. After paragraph after failed paragraph, I broke. I could not tackle the insurmountable task in front of me that my procrastination had created. I couldn’t do anything but cry and think that I had psyched myself out again, and failed.

One of these days, I will tell you about the break up. I will tell you about my constant search for home. I will tell you about my struggles with depression. I will tell you about my shortcomings, but I will also tell you about my dreams. I will tell you about my goals.I will tell you about the time I watched the sunset in the intracoastal with some of the most important people in my life. I will tell you about the band that changed my life and the concert that made me feel things I never thought music could make me feel. I will tell you why I am running out of excuses to not try that open mic night at the bar down the street. I will tell you about my search to reconnect with God and my faith. I will tell you all about who am I am and who I want to be as I pick up the pieces and rebuild. I will tell you everything, but in small doses. One story at a time. We will work through it all, together.

So there it is. One swing, one hit to get the confidence back. Bald&Bearded may have gone quiet, but we are not gone. We are here.

-CF O’Rourke

“You haven’t seen all the good inside me yet, I know. Maybe I should see that in myself again.” -Augustines

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